and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
