This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
