go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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