i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
