I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
