The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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