epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
