You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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