I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm just crazy horny about you
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
