I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
