Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
