last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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