No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
