Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
