My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
