this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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