Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
