I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
