You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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