question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
