You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
