get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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