Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
