On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
