That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
