She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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