He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
