Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
