to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
