my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
