I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Soap is not a condiment
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
