Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
