When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
