woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
