i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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