She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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