i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
