This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
