I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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