Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
