im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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