i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
