i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
