I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
