I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
you made out with another girl for some wings
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
