You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
