this just has baby written all over it
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
