Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
