he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
