So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
